A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.