Humor Quotes

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I am an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.

I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals; I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

I can resist everything except temptation.

By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.

I have just one rule: I don't want to die.

I am an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.