Today's Jokes

Hundreds of hilarious jokes across every category — one-liners, puns, knock-knocks, and more. New jokes added daily, voted and shared by the Joke Cafe community.

My kid asked, 'Why does Santa only come at night?' I said, 'Because houses are closed during the day.' He thought about this for a long time. He said, 'That's not a reason. That's a schedule problem. You could come at 2 PM. You could come at 4 PM. You're just choosing the worst time slot.'

Work & Office

My boss told me to stop bringing my dog to work because it was barking at the coffee machine.

One-Liners

My friend always says he's going to invent a self-tying shoelace.

Work & Office

I told my boss I wanted to work from home, but only on days when the weather is nice outside.

Sports

What did the coach say to the broken vending machine?

Technology

Why did the computer go to art school?

Holiday

I was helping my kid with a Christmas card and he made me read every single name on the class list. I read fourteen names. He said, 'Dad, that's the whole card.' I said, 'I thought there was a second page.' He said, 'There is. It's the inside.'

School

My daughter came home and said her teacher gave the class a 'show and tell.' She showed a rock. The teacher said, 'Tell us about it.' My daughter held it up and said, 'It's a rock. It's been a rock for a very long time.'

Technology

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

Dating

Today's Jokes

My boss asked me to come up with a slogan for the company's new line of erasers.

I went to a bar and asked for a drink called 'The Monday Morning'.

I asked my date what her biggest fear was regarding relationships.

My bird kept trying to land on my shoulder.

The doctor told me my cholesterol is so high that if I sneeze, I might spray butter on the walls.

My kid asked, 'Why does Santa only come at night?' I said, 'Because houses are closed during the day.' He thought about this for a long time. He said, 'That's not a reason. That's a schedule problem. You could come at 2 PM. You could come at 4 PM. You're just choosing the worst time slot.'

My boss told me to stop bringing my dog to work because it was barking at the coffee machine.

My friend always says he's going to invent a self-tying shoelace.

I told my boss I wanted to work from home, but only on days when the weather is nice outside.

What did the coach say to the broken vending machine?

Why did the computer go to art school?

I was helping my kid with a Christmas card and he made me read every single name on the class list. I read fourteen names. He said, 'Dad, that's the whole card.' I said, 'I thought there was a second page.' He said, 'There is. It's the inside.'

My daughter came home and said her teacher gave the class a 'show and tell.' She showed a rock. The teacher said, 'Tell us about it.' My daughter held it up and said, 'It's a rock. It's been a rock for a very long time.'

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it.

I asked my dad for his best advice on dating.