Humor Quotes

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

I can resist everything except temptation.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.