Humor Quotes

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.

I can resist everything except temptation.

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

A witty saying proves nothing.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.