One-Liners Puns

25

I bought a calendar that expired last month just to see if it would start working again.

23

My boss asked me why I was wearing a helmet during the morning meeting.

36

My neighbor's fence got so high that we couldn't even wave hello anymore.

70

My shadow got mad at me yesterday during lunch break.

26

I told my computer to take a break because the screen looked tired.

74

I decided to start a business selling silence to people who hate noise.

59

My neighbor complains about my dog's barking, but he never says anything when I yell at him.

74

I tried to win a staring contest with a mirror.

9

I tried to run a marathon.

82

I decided to quit my job.

8

I bought a self-help book on how to stop worrying.

6

I gave my problems a name tag.

51

I decided to stop using my phone before bed.

14

My alarm clock asked me if I needed another reason to wake up.

56

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.