Science Jokes

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My son's science project was supposed to demonstrate conductivity. He put a wire in a circuit, the bulb lit up, he took the wire out, the bulb went off. He said, 'The wire is a bridge. The electricity walks across it to get to the light bulb. Without the bridge, the electricity has to swim.'

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My son's science project was supposed to demonstrate photosynthesis. He put a leaf on a plate. He sat in the sun for an hour. He presented it to the class. He said, 'The leaf was in the sun. The leaf is still there. It is a leaf.' The teacher said, 'Can you explain the process?'

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My son's science project was supposed to demonstrate friction. He slid a book across a desk. The book stopped. He presented it to the class and said, 'The book moved and then it stopped.' The teacher said, 'Great. What caused it to stop?'

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My son's science project was supposed to demonstrate density. He put a rock in water. The rock sank. He put a piece of foam in water. The foam floated. He presented it to the class. He said, 'The rock is heavy. The foam is light.' The teacher said, 'Great. Can you explain the science behind this?' He said, 'The rock is being dramatic. It is being heavy on purpose. It wants attention. The foam is being nice. It is floating because it doesn't want to bother anyone. The rock is a diva. The foam is a people pleaser. And gravity is just the bouncer at the pool who decides who gets to stay on the surface and who has to go to the bottom.'

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My son's science project was supposed to demonstrate a control group. He put two identical plants on the windowsill. He watered both. He talked to one. He presented it to the class. He said, 'The plant I talked to grew two centimeters taller.' The teacher said, 'What variable did you control?' He said, 'I controlled the talking. I only talked to one. The other one had to sit there and not get talked to. That was the control. The control was silence. The control was the plant being ignored. I feel a little bad about the control group.'

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My son's science project was supposed to demonstrate the water cycle. He put a puddle in a plastic bag and hung it in the sun. Water evaporated, condensed on the bag, dripped back down. He wrote his conclusion: 'The water went up. The water came down. The water went up again. The water came down again.'

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My kid's science project was supposed to demonstrate magnetism. He stuck a paperclip to a fridge magnet. He presented it to the class. He said, 'The magnet attracts the paperclip.' The teacher said, 'Great. Now can you explain why?'

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My kid's science fair project was supposed to demonstrate the concept of a hypothesis. The teacher said, 'Write a hypothesis, test it, and record your results.' My kid wrote: 'Hypothesis: if I put a graham cracker in the milk, it will get soft.' He put the graham cracker in the milk. He waited four minutes. He took it out. It was soft. He wrote: 'Result: the cracker is soft. The cracker was not soft before. The cracker is soft now. The milk did this. I did not do this. The milk is the agent of softness. I am the agent of observation. We have different jobs.'

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My kid's science project was supposed to demonstrate states of matter. He put ice in a bowl, water in a bowl, and steam over a pot. He presented it to the class. He said, 'The ice is solid. The water is liquid. The steam is gas.' The teacher asked, 'And what does this demonstrate about the world around us?' He said, 'It demonstrates that water is the most indecisive substance in the known universe. It was solid, now it's liquid, now it's gas. It can't commit to a form. It keeps changing its mind. It was a cube, now it's a puddle, now it's a cloud. I think water has identity issues. I think water doesn't know what it is.'

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My daughter's science fair project was supposed to show what happens when you mix baking soda and vinegar. She mixed them. It fizzed. She wrote in her notebook: 'The baking soda and the vinegar had a disagreement. It was very loud and very bubbly. The baking soda got very emotional. The vinegar did not. The baking soda is the drama in this relationship.'

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My kid's science project was supposed to demonstrate evaporation. He put a puddle on the sidewalk and wrote, 'Hypothesis: the water will leave.' Two days later, he wrote, 'Observation: the water left. Conclusion: water is unreliable. It was here and then it wasn't. I cannot trust water.'

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My daughter's science fair project was supposed to demonstrate density. She put a rock, a coin, and a paperclip in a glass of water. The rock sank. The coin sank. The paperclip floated. She wrote her observation: 'The paperclip is less committed to the bottom than the other objects.'

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My son's science fair project was supposed to demonstrate air pressure. He built a small device with a balloon and a straw. He presented it to the class. He blew into the straw. The balloon inflated slightly.

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My son's science project was supposed to demonstrate the scientific method. He asked a question, made a guess, did the experiment, and wrote down what happened.

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My son's science project was supposed to demonstrate a controlled experiment. He set up two cups of water. He added a drop of food coloring to both. He wrote his observation.