Random Jokes

68

On our second date, my partner asked if I believed in destiny or just accidents.

74

My boss told me I needed to be more creative with my work projects.

30

My date asked if I preferred indoor or outdoor activities.

52

My toddler watched me fold a fitted sheet and said, 'Dad, why are you fighting the sheet?'

42

My son asked me to 'be his bodyguard' to the park. I walked behind him, scanned the perimeter, and checked for threats. He said, 'Dad, the actual threat is that I have to walk for twenty minutes.' I said, 'I see. I'll handle the twenty minutes.'

77

Why did the airplane break up with the airport?

34

I tried to save money by only buying things that were free in my pantry.

66

My credit score and my bowling score have something in common.

57

The doctor said I needed to stop eating so much junk food.

69

My younger brother asked me why our dog always chases its tail.

41

I tried to navigate through the airport without my phone because I wanted to be spontaneous.

65

I packed my suitcase for a trip to the beach with everything but swimwear.

24

My dad tried to update the family printer by talking nicely to it through the phone speaker.

11

We tried to have a 'gratitude dinner' where everyone shares what they're thankful for. My wife shared something lovely. My husband shared something lovely. Then it was my kid's turn. He looked at the table.

42

I told my boss I needed a new computer because mine is so slow it takes three days to load a simple spreadsheet.