Animals Jokes

32

My neighbor's hamster has a new routine. Every evening at 7, he runs on his wheel for exactly four minutes, stops, stares at the wall, resumes for two more minutes, and goes to sleep. My neighbor says, 'He's very disciplined.' I said, 'He's a hamster. He's not disciplined. He's got a shift schedule, a mandatory break, and no union representation.'

44

My neighbor's parakeet has a new routine. Every morning at 6:15, it flies to the kitchen window, taps on the glass three times, waits, taps three more times, and flies back to its cage.

66

My neighbor's dog has a new trick. Every time the mail carrier comes, the dog sits in the window, watches the mail carrier leave, and barks exactly once.

77

My neighbor's goldfish has been in the same tank for three years. My neighbor says, 'He's the same fish.'

36

My kid's dog has developed a new routine. Every morning, he walks to the back door, sits down, and stares at the door for exactly ninety seconds. Then he walks to the kitchen, sits down, and stares at the kitchen for exactly ninety seconds.

27

My kid's rabbit has a new routine. Every day at 4 PM, he sits in the middle of the kitchen, looks at the fridge, and thumps his foot. Just one thump. Then he goes back to eating.

77

My neighbor's cat has figured out the doorbell. Every time a delivery person rings it, the cat sits on the porch, looks at the delivery person, looks at the box, looks at the neighbor through the window, and then walks inside like it just conducted a business negotiation. The neighbor says, 'He's not greeting the delivery. He's inspecting the merchandise. Last week he sat on a package of cat food for forty-five minutes. The delivery person left.'

65

My kid's goldfish has a new habit. Every time I open the fridge, it does a little spin in the tank. I called the fish store and said, 'My goldfish spins every time I open the fridge. Is that normal?' The guy said, 'What kind of goldfish?' I said, 'A regular one.'

13

My neighbor's parrot learned a new phrase. Every time someone in the house says 'I'll be right back,' the parrot says, 'You will not.' The neighbor says, 'He's just mimicking.' The parrot says, 'You will not.'

25

My kid's hamster has a new schedule. Every morning at 6:15, it runs on its wheel for exactly four minutes, stops, eats one seed, runs for two more minutes, and then goes to the back of the cage and does nothing for the rest of the day.

63

My neighbor's dog has a new talent. Every time the garbage truck comes, the dog stands at the window, watches the truck, and then turns to the neighbor and looks at them.

27

My neighbor's cat has a new behavior. Every day at 6 AM, it sits on the windowsill, looks directly at me through the glass, and slowly blinks. Not a fast blink. A slow, deliberate, theatrical blink.

66

My kid's goldfish has a new routine. Every morning, it swims to the left side of the tank, pauses, looks at the filter, swims to the right side, pauses, looks at the filter again, and then does a small circle. I asked the fish store guy if that's normal.

52

My neighbor's dog has a new routine. Every time the mail carrier walks up, the dog sits on the porch, looks at the carrier, and then looks at the neighbor. Not a bark. Not a growl. A look. A specific, tired, accusatory look. The neighbor says, 'He does the same thing with the pizza guy. But with pizza, he's excited. He's wagging. He's doing the little spin. With the mail, he's just... sitting there. Judging.'

25

My neighbor's parrot has a new phrase. Every morning it says, 'You forgot to feed me.' The neighbor says, 'I feed you at 7.'