Dating Jokes

59

On our third date, he said, 'I really like that you're independent.' I said, 'I am. I just want you to know that I will park in the spot closest to the entrance, and I will not ask you to walk me to the car. I will walk myself. If you want to come, you can come. If you don't, I will be in the driver's seat by 9:15, and I will be listening to a podcast about medieval architecture.' He said, 'That's a lot of logistics for a third date.' I said, 'It's not logistics. It's boundaries with a timestamp.'

75

On our second date, she said, 'I really like that you're adventurous.' I said, 'I am. I tried a new restaurant last week.' She said, 'That's great!' I said, 'It was the same restaurant I've been going to for six years. But I ordered the fish instead of the chicken. For me, that's a new frontier. I almost got sea bass.'

52

On our third date, he said, 'I really like that you're not a people pleaser.' I said, 'I'm not. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to order the pasta, eat it in silence, and I'm not going to ask you if you want a bite.'

58

On our second date, she said, 'I really like that you're a planner.' I said, 'I am. I've already planned the next three dates, chosen the restaurants, and decided that the fourth date is a movie. It's already decided. I'm not discussing which movie.'

63

On our third date, he said, 'I really like that you have strong opinions.'

16

On our second date, she said, 'I really like that you're a people person.'

63

On our third date, she said, 'I really like that you're a good listener.' I said, 'I am. I've been listening to you describe your coworker's cat's vet appointment for the last fifty minutes.'

25

On our second date, he said, 'I really like that you're easygoing.' I said, 'I am. I just want you to know that I will be in the bathroom for the next forty minutes, and when I come back, I will have a different personality.'

31

On our second date, he said, 'I really like that you're spontaneous.' I said, 'I am. I just decided ten minutes ago that I don't want to be here.'

73

On our third date, he said, 'I really like that you're not into drama.' I said, 'I'm not.' He said, 'Great. So on a scale of one to ten, how dramatic is it when I forget our anniversary?' I said, 'One.' He said, 'It was last Tuesday.'

32

On our second date, she said, 'I really like that you're straightforward.' I said, 'I am. I'm going to be straightforward. I'm going to finish my sandwich before you finish your pasta, and I'm not going to pretend I'm still eating to make it feel even.' She said, 'That's... a lot of information for a second date.'

53

On our fourth date, she said, 'I really like that you're decisive about food.' I said, 'I am. I've been deciding what to order since the parking lot.' She said, 'That's not decisive, that's pre-negotiation with yourself.' I said, 'It's a strategy. I'm not going to be the person who reads the menu for twenty minutes and orders the chicken.'

84

On our third date, he said, 'I really value honesty in a relationship.' I said, 'Good. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to order the burger and the fries, and I'm not splitting the fries.'

71

My date said, 'I'm really into hiking.' I said, 'That's great! What's the hardest trail you've done?' She said, 'The one from the parking lot to the trailhead. It was 1,200 steps and I was out of breath by step 400.'

80

My date asked, 'What's your love language?' I said, 'Quality time.' She said, 'That's sweet.' I said, 'Yeah. I'm going to sit in the car for the next forty-five minutes doing absolutely nothing while you talk about your coworker's divorce.'