School Jokes

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My daughter said, 'Teacher made us do a persuasive speech. I persuaded the class to not have a test on Friday.' I said, 'And did it work?' She said, 'The teacher said the speech was very compelling. The class clapped.'

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My daughter said, 'Teacher made us do a gratitude journal. One thing we're grateful for every day.' I said, 'What did you write today?' She said, 'The fact that it's Thursday and not Friday, because if it's Friday, tomorrow I have to be up at seven for soccer. Thursday is the last day where being tired is not a choice.'

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My daughter's teacher sent a note: 'Your child has a unique perspective on group projects.' I asked her what that meant. She said, 'I told them I'd do my part and they could do theirs. They didn't do theirs. I did all of it.'

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher said I talk too much in class.' I said, 'That's not fair. What did you say?' She said, 'I said the answer.' I said, 'And?'

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher made us write a thank-you note for a classmate who shared their pencil.' I said, 'That's sweet! What did you write?'

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My daughter's teacher sent a note saying, 'Your child is very resourceful.' I asked what that meant.

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher made us write about a time we felt brave.' I said, 'That's a great prompt! What did you write about?' She said, 'I wrote about the time I ate the last Pop-Tart.' I said, 'That's brave!' She said, 'It wasn't brave. It was Tuesday. There was one Pop-Tart. I ate it. My brother cried. I said, It was a Pop-Tart. It was in the box. I opened the box. I took the Pop-Tart. I ate the Pop-Tart. The Pop-Tart is in me now. I am the Pop-Tart's final destination. I am the Pop-Tart's destiny. The Pop-Tart chose me. The Pop-Tart and I are one.' The teacher said it was a very vivid narrative. I said, It was a Pop-Tart, Mrs. Chen. She said, And that is what makes it memorable. I said, It was a strawberry Pop-Tart, Mrs. Chen. She said, I don't need to know that. I said, I need you to know that. It was strawberry. It was the last one. I was brave. The Pop-Tart was strawberry.'

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My kid came home and said, 'Teacher said I need to use more transition words in my essay.' I said, 'That's great! What transition words did you use?' He said, 'I wrote, And then. And then. And then. And then. And then.' I said, 'That's the same word five times.' He said, 'The teacher said it was a very effective narrative flow. I said, I used the same word five times. She said, That's called repetition for emphasis. You're ahead of the curve. I said, I'm not ahead of the curve. I'm stuck on the curve. I'm going around the curve. The curve is the word and then. I am in a loop with the word and then.'

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher made us do a book report.' I said, 'That's great! What book?' She said, 'I didn't read it.' I said, 'Then how did you do the report?' She said, 'I read the summary on the back of the book. Then I read the summary of the summary on a website. Then I wrote five sentences. The teacher said it was a concise interpretation of the narrative arc. I said, I read the back of the book. She said, That's called research.'

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My daughter's teacher sent a note: 'Your son has shown remarkable leadership in group activities.' I asked him what that meant. He said, 'I told everyone what to do. They did it. Then I told them to do it again. They did it again. The teacher said, That's leadership. I said, That's not leadership. That's a second shift. I'm working double time and she's calling it a personality trait.'

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My kid came home and said, 'Teacher made us do a friendship web. We had to draw lines connecting our names to the friends we talk to most.' I said, 'That's sweet. Who did you connect to?' He said, 'I connected to myself. I put a line from my name to my name. The teacher said, That's very self-reflective.'

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My daughter's teacher sent a note: 'Your child is very creative with word problems.' I asked what she did. She said, 'The problem said a train leaves Station A at 3 PM going 60 mph and another leaves Station B at 4 PM going 40 mph. I wrote: The trains are having a disagreement. Train A is faster and feels superior. Train B is slower and feels left out.'

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher made us do a show and tell.' I said, 'That's fun! What did you show?' She said, 'I showed a rock.' I said, 'A rock? That's not much to tell.' She said, 'I told them it was a rock. I told them it was gray. I told them it was round-ish. I told them I found it in the yard.'

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My kid came home and said, 'Teacher said I need to expand my vocabulary.' I said, 'That's great! What word did you learn?' He said, 'She said I used the word "stuff" nine times in my essay. I said, "What stuff?" She said, "That's the problem. You used the word that means you don't know what it is. Nine times. You've committed a vocabulary crime.'

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher made us do a class presentation. I had to stand up and talk about my favorite animal.' I said, 'That's great! What did you say?' She said, 'I said, My favorite animal is a cat. The cat is a cat. It has four legs. It has a tail. It is a cat. I said that six times. The teacher said it was a very passionate delivery.'