Holiday Jokes

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My kid said, 'Mom, why do we have to open presents on Christmas morning and not Christmas Eve?' I said, 'Because Santa delivers them on the night of the 24th and we open them in the morning.' He said, 'So Santa puts the presents under the tree at 2 AM, and then I have to sit in a chair until 7 AM to open them.'

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My kid said, 'Mom, why do we have to put up the Christmas tree before it's even December?' I said, 'Because it's festive and the house looks lonely in November.' He said, 'The house has a couch. The couch is not lonely. I'm lonely. You put up a tree and the couch is still there and I'm still in the room and the couch is still not talking to me. The tree is not a social intervention. The tree is a tree. The couch is a couch. I am a person in a room with a tree and a couch and no one is talking to me.'

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My kid asked, 'Mom, why do we have to sit through the whole Christmas Eve dinner? I've been sitting since eleven.' I said, 'Because it's a family tradition.'

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My kid looked at the Halloween decorations and said, 'Mom, why do we have to put a plastic pumpkin on the porch?' I said, 'Because it's seasonal and festive.'

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My kid asked, 'Mom, why do we have to decorate the house for Easter?' I said, 'Because it's festive and seasonal.'

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My kid looked at the advent calendar and said, 'Mom, why do I have to open one square a day for twenty-four days?' I said, 'Because it builds anticipation.' He said, 'It builds a twenty-four-day obligation to be excited about a tiny chocolate or a plastic ring.'

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My kid asked, 'Why do we have to say Happy Thanksgiving to the neighbor?' I said, 'Because it's the season.' He said, 'She's yelling at her dog. The dog is in the yard. She is not having a Thanksgiving.'

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My kid looked at the stack of holiday cards and said, 'Mom, you have to write a personal note to forty people.' I said, 'It's thoughtful. It shows we care about each person.'

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My kid said, 'Mom, why do I have to say Happy Hanukkah to my classmate? He's at a soccer game. He has a cleat on. He is not lighting candles. He is kicking a ball into a net. I said Happy Hanukkah and he said thanks and then he scored a goal.'

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My kid asked, 'Why do we have to stay up late on New Year's Eve?' I said, 'Because it's a tradition.' He said, 'It's a punishment.'

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My kid asked, "Mom, why do we always eat a cake on a birthday?"

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My kid asked, "Why do we have to eat turkey on Thanksgiving?"

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My kid looked at the Christmas tree and said, 'Mom, why does the tree have a star on top?' I said, 'Because it's a tradition.'

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My kid asked, 'Why do we have to open presents at a specific time? Why can't I just open them whenever I want?' I said, 'Because it's a tradition and it builds excitement.' He said, 'It builds anxiety. I have to sit there. I have to watch my cousin open a tablet AND a game console. And then it's my turn, and it's a book. And I have to say "thank you" with a smile.'

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My kid asked, 'Why do we have to say Merry Christmas to the cashier at the grocery store?' I said, 'Because it's the season and it's polite.' He said, 'She's scanning my bananas. She is not my friend. She is a woman with a barcode reader and a headset.'