Holiday Jokes

25

My kid asked, 'Why do we have to open presents in front of everyone?' I said, 'It's a tradition.' He said, 'What if I open my present and it's another pair of socks and I want to cry in private?' I said, 'Then you open it in front of everyone and you cry in public.' He said, 'That's not a tradition. That's a public shaming event with a gift wrap and a little bow on top.'

47

My kid asked, 'Why do we have to say "we're so excited to see you all" at Christmas when three of us have already seen each other this week?' I said, 'It's a tradition.' He said, 'It's a lie. And I can tell, because you said it to Uncle Greg, and Uncle Greg is sitting in the next room, and he heard you, and he nodded, and that's not a tradition, that's a coordinated deception.'

28

My kid asked, 'Why do we have to say I'm looking forward to it at Thanksgiving when we're not?' I said, 'Because it's polite.'

50

My kid asked, 'Why do we have to say Merry Christmas to the mailman?' I said, 'Because it's the season.'

47

My kid asked, 'Why do we have to wait until ten in the morning to open presents? We've been awake since five.'

51

My kid asked, 'Why do we have to say I had a great time to Grandma even though I spent the whole visit under the table building a fort?'

10

My kid asked, 'Why do we open the presents and then put them back in the bags?' I said, 'We don't.' He said, 'You do.'

79

My kid asked, 'Why does Grandma put a plate out for Santa?' I said, 'For the cookies.' He said, 'Why does she put out a whole plate? He's one person.'

46

My kid asked, 'Why do we put twelve different dishes on the table at Christmas dinner?' I said, 'It's a tradition.'

26

My kid asked, 'Why do we eat turkey at Thanksgiving?' I said, 'It's a tradition.' He said, 'What if I want a ham?'

80

My kid asked, 'Why do we say "Merry Christmas" to people who aren't celebrating Christmas?' I said, 'It's just a greeting.' He said, 'It's not a greeting. It's a specific holiday reference. You don't say "Happy Thanksgiving" to someone in July. You don't say "Merry Easter" in November. "Merry Christmas" is not a greeting.'

78

My kid asked, 'Why does Santa only come at night?' I said, 'Because houses are closed during the day.' He thought about this for a long time. He said, 'That's not a reason. That's a schedule problem. You could come at 2 PM. You could come at 4 PM. You're just choosing the worst time slot.'

31

My kid asked, 'Why do we put lights on the house if we can't see them from inside?' I said, 'It's for the neighbors.' He said, 'The neighbors have their own lights.' I said, 'Yes, but they're different lights.' He said, 'So we're doing a lights comparison tournament? We're not decorating, we're competing.'

16

My kid asked, 'Why do we say "Happy New Year" to people we haven't spoken to in eight months?' I said, 'It's a tradition.' He said, 'It's not a tradition. It's a social loophole. You can say anything to a stranger if you put "Happy New Year" in front of it. "Happy New Year, I'd like a refund." "Happy New Year, I'm not doing that project." It's a verbal shield.'

79

I was helping my kid decorate the Christmas tree and he put the star on the bottom. I said, 'Honey, the star goes on top.' He said, 'No, it goes on the bottom.' I said, 'Why?' He said, 'Because if it's on top, it's watching us.'