Animals Jokes

17

My friend's goldfish has a new trick. Every time the friend walks past the tank, the fish swims to the glass, opens its mouth, and holds it open for exactly three seconds. Then it swims away.

34

My neighbor's rabbit has a new afternoon routine. It hops to the fence, presses its nose against the wire, and stares at the garden. Then it hops back, eats a leaf, and stares at the leaf.

51

My kid's hamster has a new behavior. Every morning, it runs on its wheel for exactly four minutes, stops, looks at me through the cage, and then goes to sleep. I asked my neighbor if that's normal. She said, 'That's not a hamster. That's a tiny employee who clocks in, does the minimum, and then goes home.'

54

My neighbor's guinea pig has a new habit. Every evening at 5, it walks to the edge of its cage, looks up at the neighbor, and makes a very specific sound. Not a squeak. Not a purr. A sound like a tiny, disappointed sigh. The neighbor says, 'It's not asking for food. I feed it at 4. It's not asking to be let out. It has a very nice cage with a tiny wheel.'

49

My neighbor's dog has a new morning routine. Every day at 7, he walks to the front door, sits down, and stares at it for exactly ten minutes. Then he walks to the kitchen, stares at the fridge for five minutes. Then he walks to the couch, lies down, and stares at the ceiling for the rest of the morning. I asked my neighbor if it's a problem.

61

My neighbor's cat has developed an evening routine. Every day at 6, it sits on the windowsill, looks directly at the neighbor's face, and meows. Not a regular meow. A specific, judgmental meow. The neighbor says, 'It's not asking for food.'

11

My neighbor's beagle has discovered the mail slot. Not the door — the mail slot. Every morning at 7:15, it sits in front of the slot, tilts its head, and barks at the envelope. If there's no mail, it barks at the slot itself. My neighbor says it 'just wants to make sure the mail is still there.'

19

My neighbor's parrot has learned three phrases. 'Where's my seed?' 'I want the blue cup.' And 'You're not listening to me.'

57

My neighbor's goldfish has been in the same bowl for three years. I asked, 'Doesn't it get bored?'

79

My neighbor's cat learned to open the fridge. Not just the door — the actual door, with its little paw, every single morning at 5:47. I asked if it's a problem.

53

My neighbor's dog learned to open the back door. Not the front, not the pantry — the back door, the one that leads to the yard. Every day at three, he walks over, puts his paw on the handle, turns it, walks out, and sits in the yard staring at the closed door.

8

My neighbor's hamster has a tiny wheel and a tiny house. I asked, 'Does it ever get bored?' She said, 'No, but it has strong opinions about the wheel's direction. It's been running counterclockwise for two years.'

25

My neighbor's dog has a job. Every morning at 7, he marches to the back door, sits, and stares at the mail carrier.

50

My neighbor's parrot learned to say 'the check engine light is on.' Every time she drives past our house, it screams it at the top of its lungs. She called me and said, 'I don't know why it does that. I've checked the car three times.'

44

My neighbor's cat has developed a habit of sitting on the warm spot on the kitchen tile and staring at the wall. I asked if something's wrong. She said, 'No, he's just watching the wall. He's been doing it for three years.'