Holiday Jokes

51

My kid asked, 'Why do we have to say I had a great time to Grandma even though I spent the whole visit under the table building a fort?'

10

My kid asked, 'Why do we open the presents and then put them back in the bags?' I said, 'We don't.' He said, 'You do.'

79

My kid asked, 'Why does Grandma put a plate out for Santa?' I said, 'For the cookies.' He said, 'Why does she put out a whole plate? He's one person.'

46

My kid asked, 'Why do we put twelve different dishes on the table at Christmas dinner?' I said, 'It's a tradition.'

26

My kid asked, 'Why do we eat turkey at Thanksgiving?' I said, 'It's a tradition.' He said, 'What if I want a ham?'

80

My kid asked, 'Why do we say "Merry Christmas" to people who aren't celebrating Christmas?' I said, 'It's just a greeting.' He said, 'It's not a greeting. It's a specific holiday reference. You don't say "Happy Thanksgiving" to someone in July. You don't say "Merry Easter" in November. "Merry Christmas" is not a greeting.'

78

My kid asked, 'Why does Santa only come at night?' I said, 'Because houses are closed during the day.' He thought about this for a long time. He said, 'That's not a reason. That's a schedule problem. You could come at 2 PM. You could come at 4 PM. You're just choosing the worst time slot.'

31

My kid asked, 'Why do we put lights on the house if we can't see them from inside?' I said, 'It's for the neighbors.' He said, 'The neighbors have their own lights.' I said, 'Yes, but they're different lights.' He said, 'So we're doing a lights comparison tournament? We're not decorating, we're competing.'

16

My kid asked, 'Why do we say "Happy New Year" to people we haven't spoken to in eight months?' I said, 'It's a tradition.' He said, 'It's not a tradition. It's a social loophole. You can say anything to a stranger if you put "Happy New Year" in front of it. "Happy New Year, I'd like a refund." "Happy New Year, I'm not doing that project." It's a verbal shield.'

79

I was helping my kid decorate the Christmas tree and he put the star on the bottom. I said, 'Honey, the star goes on top.' He said, 'No, it goes on the bottom.' I said, 'Why?' He said, 'Because if it's on top, it's watching us.'

26

I was helping my kid with a Christmas card and he made me read every single name on the class list. I read fourteen names. He said, 'Dad, that's the whole card.' I said, 'I thought there was a second page.' He said, 'There is. It's the inside.'

13

My kid asked, 'Why do we say "Merry Christmas" to the mail carrier?'

55

My kid asked, 'Why do we put the tree up before Christmas if we're taking it down after?'

30

My kid asked, "Why do we say 'Season's Greetings' instead of just 'Hi'?" I said, "It's more festive."

6

My kid asked, "Why do we say 'Merry Christmas' to the cashier at the grocery store?" I said, "It's a greeting."