School Jokes

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher said I need to show, don't tell in my story.' I said, 'That's great writing advice. What did you write?'

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My son came home and said, 'Teacher made us write a letter to our future selves.' I said, 'That's great. What did you write?' He said, 'Dear Future Me, this is past me. I am eight. I have a gap in my teeth. I want you to know that I am currently in a meeting with my mom about whether a hot dog is a sandwich. I lost. The hot dog is not a sandwich. I am grieving.'

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher made us write about our role model.' I said, 'That's great, who did you pick?' She said, 'My dad.' I said, 'Oh, that's sweet. What did you write?' She said, 'He's a man who has been doing the same job for eleven years, and every single morning he still pretends he's excited about it.'

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher made us do a show and tell but she said no electronics.' I said, 'That's fair. What did you bring?' She said, 'I brought a remote control. It's not an electronic. It's a tool. It has buttons. I pressed the buttons for the class.'

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My son came home and said, 'Teacher made us write about a time we overcame a challenge.' I said, 'That's a good prompt. What did you write?' He said, 'I wrote about the time the milk carton was full. I had to push the top down. I overcame it. I got the milk.'

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My son came home and said, 'Teacher made us do a book report on a book I haven't read.' I said, 'That's... unusual. What did you write?' He said, 'I wrote that the main character goes on a journey, learns a lesson, and comes back different. The book is four hundred and twelve pages. I read page one and page four hundred and twelve. On page one the character was in a small town. On page four hundred and twelve the character was in a different small town. The character went on a journey. I have evidence.'

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher said I need to use more transition words in my essay.' I said, 'That's great, what did you write?' She said, 'I wrote, First, I went to the store. Additionally, I bought milk. Furthermore, I also got bread. In conclusion, I was hungry.' I said, 'Honey, that's not an essay. That's a receipt with feelings.'

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My son came home and said, 'Teacher made us write a paragraph about our favorite season.' I said, 'That's great, which one did you pick?' He said, 'Summer.' I said, 'And what did you write?'

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher made us do a peer review of each other's essays.' I said, 'That's a great learning experience. What did you write about your partner's work?'

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My son came home and said, 'Teacher made us write a thank-you note to an object.' I said, 'That's sweet, what did you write?' He said, 'I wrote to my pencil. I said, Dear Pencil, thank you for giving a little bit of yourself every time I use you. You are the most selfless object in my life. I will remember you when you are gone.'

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher said I need to be more collaborative in group work.' I said, 'That's great, what happened?'

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My son came home and said, 'Teacher said I need to show more enthusiasm in class.' I said, 'That's great, what does she mean?' He said, 'She means when she says open your books to page forty-two, I should not say which page is that in a voice that sounds like I'm already planning my funeral.'

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher made us do a group project.' I said, 'That's great, what did you all build?' She said, 'Nothing. I was the researcher. I looked at the internet for eleven minutes. My partner built the whole thing. I got an A for looking at the internet.'

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My son came home and said, 'Teacher made us do a character analysis of a book.' I said, 'That's great, what character did you analyze?'

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My daughter came home and said, 'Teacher said I need to engage with the material more deeply.' I said, 'That's great, what did you do?'