Travel Jokes

21

I booked a 'rustic mountain cabin' for the weekend. The listing said 'cozy, secluded, close to nature.' I arrived. The cabin was a shed. The 'cozy' was that it was so small I could touch both walls. The 'secluded' was that the nearest neighbor was a bear that had been sitting on the porch for three days. The 'close to nature' was that nature was inside the cabin. There was a beetle on the pillow. I said, 'Is the beetle included in the rate?'

19

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'just sit by the ocean and do nothing.' We drove for two hours. I sat down. I watched a seagull fight a tourist for a pretzel. I watched a family argue over whose turn it was to hold the baby. I watched a man rebuild a sandcastle for the ninth time while the wave erased it, each rebuild more aggressive than the last. My buddy said, 'You wanted to do nothing. You did nothing. You just witnessed a lot of other people doing something.'

49

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'just walk along the waterfront.' We walked for forty minutes. I saw a lighthouse, three boats, a seagull that stole a man's sandwich in slow motion, and a woman doing yoga on a dock while a pigeon sat on her head. My buddy said, 'You wanted the waterfront. You got it.'

9

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'just people-watch at the café.' We sat for three hours. I watched a woman argue with a barista for twenty minutes, a man eat a sandwich with the intensity of a surgical operation, and a child cry for forty-five minutes without a single pause. My buddy said, 'You wanted people-watching. You got it.'

45

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'just wander around the old town.' He said, 'Great, I'll make a detailed itinerary for the wandering.' I said, 'Wandering doesn't have an itinerary.' He said, 'Then it's not wandering. It's getting lost with better marketing.' I said, 'I wanted to get lost.'

81

I booked a 'luxury safari experience.' The 'luxury' was a tent with a mattress. The 'experience' was a guide who pointed at a tree and said, 'The giraffe is over there.' I said, 'I don't see a giraffe.' He said, 'You're not looking hard enough.'

55

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'see the city on foot.' We walked for six hours. My feet were killing me. I sat on a bench and said, 'I think I've seen enough.' He said, 'We've only covered two districts.' I said, 'I'm not here for the districts. I'm here for the bench.'

52

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'experience local culture.' He took me to a bakery where the baker spoke to us in a language we both didn't understand, handed me a pastry that was clearly still warm from the oven, and then pointed at my nose. I said, 'I think he's complimenting me.' He said, 'He's telling you to stop breathing on the croissant.'

57

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'take a scenic drive.' He rented a car. I got in. He started driving.

25

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'take a cooking class.' He booked me into a pasta-making workshop. I made the pasta, I ate the pasta, I was happy.

66

I told my travel partner I wanted to 'do a food tour' of the neighborhood.

6

I booked a 'quiet countryside retreat' for the weekend. The listing said 'peaceful, pastoral, removed from the city.'

18

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'just relax at the beach.' He booked a resort. I arrived and the 'relaxation' included a mandatory 6 AM yoga class, a 'wellness walk' at 7, and a 'mindfulness session' at 8. I said, 'This isn't relaxing.'

12

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'see the sunrise.' He set an alarm for 5 AM. We hiked up a hill in the dark, our breath making little clouds, our legs shaking. We got to the top at 5:47. The sun came up. I said, 'Worth it.'

48

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'go where the locals go.' He took me to a restaurant where the menu was in a language I couldn't read, the waiter spoke to him in rapid-fire local dialect, and my food arrived in a dish I had to fight a small angry crustacean for. I said, 'This is incredible!' He said, 'You want to go back tomorrow?'