Travel Jokes

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's find a local market.' We found one. It was a parking lot. There were four cars. One car had a cardboard sign that said, 'VEGETABLES - ASK ME.' We asked.

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's go to a historic site.' We went to a historic site. It was a stone wall. The wall was from 1247. We stood in front of it for forty-five minutes. My buddy said, 'You can really feel the history.'

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's find a hidden gem restaurant.' We found one behind a laundromat. The menu had three items. The gem was a soup. The soup was fine.

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I booked a 'boutique hotel' for the weekend. The room had a four-poster bed, a small table, and a window that looked directly into the neighboring building's bathroom. I could see their shower curtain. I could see the shower curtain move.

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's take a scenic drive.' We took a scenic drive. The scenic part was a three-mile stretch where the road went past a field. The field had one cow. The cow was eating grass. We drove past. My buddy said, 'That was beautiful.'

24

I told my travel buddy, 'Let's go to a bed and breakfast.' We found one. The bed was in the living room. The breakfast was a single muffin and a carton of juice on the kitchen counter. The breakfast was already gone by the time we sat down.

58

I booked a 'rustic cabin' for the weekend. The door didn't have a lock, the stove was a campfire in a metal bowl, and the 'hot water' was a bucket you heated over the same fire. I asked the owner, 'Is there Wi-Fi?'

68

My travel buddy said, 'Let's go to a local vineyard.' We drove for an hour. The vineyard was a single building with a sign that said Vineyard. Inside was a table, two chairs, a bottle of wine, and a man who said, You're early. The tour starts at four. It was two. My buddy said, This is the vineyard? The man said, This is the waiting room. The vineyard is the field outside. You can look at it from the chair. He pointed at a window. Through the window, there was a field. My buddy said, I paid forty dollars for a window seat to a field. The man said, The field is organic.

64

My travel buddy said, 'Let's take a food tour of the city.' We took a food tour. It was a bus. The bus stopped at a restaurant. We got off. We ate a sandwich. We got back on the bus. The bus drove past the restaurant. My buddy said, 'That was the tour.' I said, 'We ate one sandwich on a bus.' He said, 'And we experienced the journey.'

84

My travel buddy said, 'I want to take a cooking class.' We signed up. The kitchen was the size of a closet. There were eight of us. The instructor said, 'Today we make pasta.' I looked at the counter. There was one pot. One. For eight people.

82

I told my travel buddy, 'Let's find a local bakery.' We found one. It had one shelf. On the shelf were four croissants, a loaf of bread, and a small sign that said, 'The rest of the pastries went to a meeting and won't be back until Thursday.'

72

I checked into a hotel and there was a Welcome card on the bed. I picked it up. Underneath was a single, slightly damp napkin.

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's try the local market.' We walked in. There were four stalls.

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My travel buddy said, 'I want to try the local street food.' We found a vendor. He had one item. A skewer. It was a piece of something that was brown.

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's go to a quiet beach for the day.' We found a beach. It was quiet. Too quiet. No vendors, no music, no waves with any enthusiasm. Just sand and one seagull that looked personally offended by our presence.