Travel Jokes

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I booked a 'rustic cabin' for the weekend. The cabin was a room. The room had a wood stove. The wood stove was not lit. I asked the owner for wood. He said, 'The wood is in the shed.' I found the shed.

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's go to a beach town.' We went. The beach was a parking lot with a sign that said 'BEACH 200 YARDS.' We walked 200 yards. The beach was a rocky shore. The water was the color of a dish that hadn't been washed in three days. There was one seagull. The seagull was eating a french fry. We sat on a bench. My buddy said, 'You can really feel the ocean.'

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's go to a farmers' market.' We went. There were twelve tables. One had tomatoes. One had bread. One had a woman selling hand-knit scarves. My buddy bought a scarf. I bought a tomato. We sat in a parking lot and ate the tomato.

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I booked a cozy mountain retreat for the weekend. The retreat was a single room. The room had a bed, a chair, and a window. The window looked at a tree. The tree was the mountain. The mountain was the tree. I asked the front desk, 'Is there a view?'

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's take a cooking class.' We took a cooking class. The instructor said, 'First, chop the onions.' I chopped the onions. My eyes were streaming. I was crying. The instructor said, 'That's a good sign. It means you're connecting with the food.'

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's go to a winery.' We drove to the winery. There was a parking lot. In the parking lot was a building. In the building was a woman behind a counter. She said, 'The tour starts at two.' I said, 'It's two.' She said, 'And?' I said, 'It is two o'clock.' She said, 'The two is the check-in. The two-fifteen is the walking. The two-fifteen is the wine. The two is just the paperwork. You're early to the early.'

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I booked a pet-friendly lodge for the weekend. I called to confirm. The woman said, 'Yes, we welcome all animals.' I said, 'Great, I'm bringing my dog.' She said, 'And?' I said, 'And my cat.' She was quiet for a second. Then she said, 'The cat stays in the room.' I said, 'The dog stays in the room too.' She said, 'Then you're not bringing a pet. You're bringing a room with two animals in it. That's a different package. You need to call the manager.'

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's find a local market.' We found one. It was a parking lot. There were four cars. One car had a cardboard sign that said, 'VEGETABLES - ASK ME.' We asked.

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's go to a historic site.' We went to a historic site. It was a stone wall. The wall was from 1247. We stood in front of it for forty-five minutes. My buddy said, 'You can really feel the history.'

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's find a hidden gem restaurant.' We found one behind a laundromat. The menu had three items. The gem was a soup. The soup was fine.

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I booked a 'boutique hotel' for the weekend. The room had a four-poster bed, a small table, and a window that looked directly into the neighboring building's bathroom. I could see their shower curtain. I could see the shower curtain move.

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's take a scenic drive.' We took a scenic drive. The scenic part was a three-mile stretch where the road went past a field. The field had one cow. The cow was eating grass. We drove past. My buddy said, 'That was beautiful.'

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I told my travel buddy, 'Let's go to a bed and breakfast.' We found one. The bed was in the living room. The breakfast was a single muffin and a carton of juice on the kitchen counter. The breakfast was already gone by the time we sat down.

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I booked a 'rustic cabin' for the weekend. The door didn't have a lock, the stove was a campfire in a metal bowl, and the 'hot water' was a bucket you heated over the same fire. I asked the owner, 'Is there Wi-Fi?'

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My travel buddy said, 'Let's go to a local vineyard.' We drove for an hour. The vineyard was a single building with a sign that said Vineyard. Inside was a table, two chairs, a bottle of wine, and a man who said, You're early. The tour starts at four. It was two. My buddy said, This is the vineyard? The man said, This is the waiting room. The vineyard is the field outside. You can look at it from the chair. He pointed at a window. Through the window, there was a field. My buddy said, I paid forty dollars for a window seat to a field. The man said, The field is organic.