Doctor Jokes

75

My doctor told me I need to 'reduce my stress.' I said, 'Doc, I'm trying. I meditate, I walk, I do breathing exercises.' He said, 'And?'

61

I told my doctor I've been feeling like a sponge lately. He said, 'What do you mean?' I said, 'I soak up everything, I'm a mess, and I keep dripping on things I don't want to drip on.'

55

I told my doctor I've been feeling like I'm running on empty. He said, 'Have you been eating enough?' I said, 'I've been eating a lot. I'm just running on it really fast.'

26

My doctor told me I need to 'take it easy on the weekends.' I said, 'Doctor, I'm a parent of a three-year-old. Weekends are the only time I take it easy, and even then it's a stretch.'

13

I told my doctor I've been feeling invisible lately, and he said, 'Well, let's start with a full physical.'

6

My doctor told me I should eat less and move more, and I said, 'Doc, I already eat less. I mostly just move less.'

84

The specialist told me to exercise more to improve my blood pressure.

68

I told my doctor that he should charge patients by the thought.

44

The therapist told me to practice gratitude every morning.

83

I asked the doctor if surgery would help me lose weight quickly.

10

I told my doctor I felt like a broken record lately.

66

I asked my doctor if there was a pill that could make me invisible.

84

The nurse told me to take three tablets of medicine before breakfast every morning.

43

The specialist asked how much I exercised during the week to improve my stamina.

16

The doctor told me to stop eating so much pizza if I wanted to lose weight.