One-Liners Jokes

15

My toddler asked me, 'Why do people at work say let's touch base when nobody is touching a base?'

12

My kid asked me why we say 'the other shoe will drop.'

83

My toddler looked at me and said, 'You look tired.' I said, 'Thanks, buddy.' He said, 'No, I'm not complimenting you. I'm reporting an observation.'

13

My kid asked me to 'explain how the internet works.' I said, 'You click, and stuff happens.' He said, 'That's not an explanation, that's a prayer.'

55

My toddler asked me, 'Why do you say I'm coming when you're clearly not coming?' I said, 'It's a promise that I'll be there eventually.' He said, 'That's not a promise. That's a rumor.' I said, 'It's a... hopeful rumor.'

71

My son asked me to explain what 'the 9-to-5' means. I said, 'It's when a person is awake, dressed, and in a room with other people who are also awake, dressed, and in a room.'

37

My daughter asked me, 'Dad, if you fall asleep on the couch and I walk over and you don't wake up, are you dead?' I said, 'No, I'm resting.' She said, 'But you're doing it in the position where dead people are found.' I said, 'That's... a good point.'

81

My toddler asked me, 'Why do we say break a leg when we mean good luck?' I said, 'It's a theater tradition.' He said, 'So the actors are just really hoping someone falls off a ladder?' I said, 'Not exactly.' He said, 'That's not a lot better.'

60

My five-year-old asked me, 'Dad, why do we use a coaster?' I said, 'Because it protects the table from water rings.'

15

I told my son he could earn a treat by doing one chore. He picked 'empty the dishwasher.'

57

My toddler asked me why the sky is blue.

5

I told my kid he could pick the restaurant for dinner. He picked the one with the play area. I said, 'We're a family of four, not a daycare.'

47

My toddler asked me why we can't have the TV on while we eat. I said, 'Because we're supposed to talk to each other at the table.'

28

My four-year-old asked me why we have to 'wait our turn.' I said, 'Because if everyone went at once, there'd be chaos.'

47

My six-year-old asked me why we can't have dessert before dinner.