Work & Office Jokes

69

My manager announced we need to 'foster a culture of transparency.' I raised my hand and said, 'So we can finally see who's actually doing the work?'

37

My coworker told me he 'lives for his job.' I said, 'That's great. Do you also sleep at the desk?' He said, 'No, but I eat lunch at the desk, nap at the desk, and occasionally cry at the desk.'

63

My boss said we need to 'think bigger' for the quarterly presentation. I said, 'Sure, I'll make the font size 72.'

44

I asked my boss if I could leave at 4:30 for a dentist appointment. He said, 'Sure, but make sure you're back by five.' I said, 'I'm going to the DENTIST.' He said, 'I know, but we're short-staffed and I need you to at least be in the building when the receptionist calls.'

54

I asked my manager if I could take a personal day to 'reconnect with myself,' and she said sure but could I send a quick email before I left.

50

Our office has a 'no meetings before ten AM' policy, so I suggested we start our Monday sync at 9:59 to beat the rule.

49

My coworker complained that his ergonomic chair was too expensive.

31

The intern asked if there was a specific dress code for the company picnic.

60

My boss told me I needed to think outside the box.

41

The intern tried to fix the coffee machine by giving it a pep talk.

60

My boss told me to stop acting like a chicken in the office.

79

The IT department locked my computer account because of too many failed password attempts.

72

My boss told me to bring my 'A' game tomorrow morning.

26

The office printer jammed again during the big presentation.

42

I told my boss I needed a new computer because mine is so slow it takes three days to load a simple spreadsheet.