Money Jokes

33

My friend said, 'I finally figured out my spending habits.' I said, 'That's great, what did you find?' He said, 'I have 347 subscriptions. I don't know what 300 of them are. I can't cancel them because I'm afraid I'll need them.'

68

My friend said, 'I'm on a budget this month.' I said, 'That's smart.' He said, 'Yeah. I made a spreadsheet. Fourteen categories. Color-coded. I have a little graph. It's beautiful.'

81

My friend said, 'I've started a side hustle.' I said, 'That's great! What is it?' He said, 'I sell replacement phone chargers.' I said, 'To whom?' He said, 'To the person who keeps losing theirs.' I said, 'That's not a side hustle. That's a recurring revenue model built entirely on other people's incompetence.'

57

My friend said, 'I finally tracked where all my money goes. I made a list of every purchase for two weeks. Forty-seven items. I added them up. The total was $312.'

70

My friend said, 'I've been really good at not overspending.' I said, 'That's great, how?'

43

My friend said, 'I've been really good at financial planning this year.'

38

I told my friend, 'I'm on a no-spend month.' He said, 'That's impressive. How are you doing?' I said, 'Great. I haven't spent a single dollar.'

24

My friend said, 'I've been really good at saving this year.' I said, 'What's your strategy?' He said, 'I unsubscribed from three newsletters.'

61

My friend said, 'I finally got my finances in order.' I said, 'That's great! How?' He said, 'I opened my bank app for the first time in eight months. I saw a balance. I closed the app.'

23

My friend said, 'I've been really good at investing.' I said, 'What have you invested in?' He said, 'A cactus.'

5

I told my friend, 'I've been really good at budgeting.' He said, 'That's great! What's your system?' I said, 'I have a folder in my phone called "Expenses." I put receipts in it. I have not opened the folder in nine months. I assume the money is still in there.'

7

My friend said, 'I finally started a savings account. I put in twelve dollars every single month. I have not missed a month in four years.' I said, 'That's... disciplined.'

37

I tried to save money by making coffee at home. I bought a French press, a grinder, four bags of beans from different roasters, a milk frother, and a ceramic mug from a pottery class. My total: two hundred and twelve dollars.

47

My friend said, 'I've been really disciplined with my spending this month.'

39

My friend said, "I finally figured out where my money goes." I said, "That's great! What did you find?" He said, "I opened the bank app and found a charge for $4.99 from a place called 'SnackBar.' I don't know what SnackBar is."