51

I told the airline attendant I needed to change my seat because the person next to me was 'vibrating with energy.' She said, 'Is he talking?' I said, 'No. He's just existing loudly. His elbows are in a three-seat configuration.'

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I booked a 'rustic cabin' for our weekend getaway. The listing said 'peaceful, surrounded by nature.' I arrived and the nearest neighbor was a raccoon that had been evicted from a nearby trash can.

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I booked a 'boutique hotel with a rooftop terrace.' The hotel was a converted laundromat. The 'boutique' was a single shelf with three mugs. The 'rooftop terrace' was a fire escape with one plastic chair.

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We went on a trip and forgot our toothbrushes at home.

82

I arrived at the hotel room only to find out it faced the construction site instead of the ocean.