0Work & OfficeMy boss said, 'I want you to put more heart into your work.' I said, 'Sir, my heart is in my chest. The quarterly report is on a monitor. They are not in the same zip code.'Show PunchlineShare
84Work & OfficeMy boss said, 'We're a family here.' I said, 'That's great. Do family members get to leave at 5?' He said, 'In a good family, you stay until the job's done.' I said, 'Then I'm in a broken family, because I left at 5 on a Friday and nobody called me.'Show PunchlineShare
81Work & OfficeMy boss said, 'I want you to be more proactive.' I said, 'Great, I'm already on my way to the break room. I was going to wait until someone told me I could get coffee.'Show PunchlineShare
81Work & OfficeMy boss told me to 'think of the company as a family.' I said, 'That's great. So does that mean I get to eat from the fridge without asking, sit in the living room, and avoid doing chores?' He said, 'No.'Show PunchlineShare
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