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My date asked, 'What's your love language?' I said, 'Quality time.' She said, 'That's sweet.' I said, 'Yeah. I'm going to sit in the car for the next forty-five minutes doing absolutely nothing while you talk about your coworker's divorce.'

Related Jokes

84

On our seventh date, she said, 'I really like that you're not intimidated by my career.' I said, 'Of course not. I'm not intimidated by your career. I'm intimidated by your calendar. You have a meeting at 7:15, a call at 8, a quick sync at 8:30, and then you're available at 9.' She said, 'That's just how work is.'

83

I went on a date with someone who said they were terrible at giving directions.

83

I went on a date with a calendar.

82

I told my date I was a good dancer.

82

My date told me she was 'a very low-maintenance person.' I said, 'That's great, I'm the same.' She said, 'I don't need much. Just a guy who remembers what I said in the first five minutes of the conversation.'

82

On our fifth date, he said, 'I really like that you're not afraid to be yourself.' I said, 'Thank you. I've been working on it.' He said, 'What do you mean, working on it?' I said, 'The not-afraid part is new. The being-myself part has been going for thirty-four years.'