44

My four-year-old said, 'Dad, why do you say "I'll be there in a sec" when it takes twenty minutes?' I said, 'Because sec is a flexible unit.' He said, 'It's not flexible. I counted. You said it three times. That's three flexible units, and I've been in the car for a long time.'

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My kid asked, 'Dad, why do you say "one more episode" when you've already said it four times?' I said, 'Because each one is a new episode.' He said, 'It's the same episode. You said it at the top of the show, at the commercial, at the middle, and at the end. That's not four episodes, that's one episode with four lies.'

83

Why are elevator jokes so good?

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My toddler looked at me and said, 'You look tired.' I said, 'Thanks, buddy.' He said, 'No, I'm not complimenting you. I'm reporting an observation.'