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My friend said, 'How was your first date?' I said, 'She asked me what my love language is. I said, I don't know, what's a love language? She said, Do you like words of affirmation? Quality time? Acts of service?'

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On our seventh date, she said, 'I really like that you're not intimidated by my career.' I said, 'Of course not. I'm not intimidated by your career. I'm intimidated by your calendar. You have a meeting at 7:15, a call at 8, a quick sync at 8:30, and then you're available at 9.' She said, 'That's just how work is.'

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On our third date, he said, 'I really value honesty in a relationship.' I said, 'Good. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to order the burger and the fries, and I'm not splitting the fries.'

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On our first date, she said, 'I'm really into hiking.' I said, 'Oh nice, what trails do you like?' She said, 'The ones where I can see the whole city from the top. And I bring a thermos and a book.' I said, 'So you hike to the top, sit there, and read?' She said, 'I hike to the top, sit there, read, and then I hike back down. That's the whole workout.'

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On our fifth date, he said, 'I really like that you're not afraid to be yourself.' I said, 'Thank you. I've been working on it.' He said, 'What do you mean, working on it?' I said, 'The not-afraid part is new. The being-myself part has been going for thirty-four years.'

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I told my date I was a good dancer.

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My date told me she was 'a very low-maintenance person.' I said, 'That's great, I'm the same.' She said, 'I don't need much. Just a guy who remembers what I said in the first five minutes of the conversation.'