69

My kid asked me to explain the word 'convenient.' I said, 'It means something works out nicely for you.' He said, 'Like when I'm doing homework and the Wi-Fi goes out?' I said, 'No, the opposite, honey.' He said, 'Then why does everyone say "that's so convenient" when they're telling me to do something I don't want to do? That's not convenient. That's a hostage situation with a smile.'

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My kid asked, 'Dad, why do you say "one more episode" when you've already said it four times?' I said, 'Because each one is a new episode.' He said, 'It's the same episode. You said it at the top of the show, at the commercial, at the middle, and at the end. That's not four episodes, that's one episode with four lies.'

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My friend told me I was delusional.

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Why are elevator jokes so good?

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My toddler looked at me and said, 'You look tired.' I said, 'Thanks, buddy.' He said, 'No, I'm not complimenting you. I'm reporting an observation.'