15One-LinersMy kid asked me to explain the word 'patience.' I said, 'It's the ability to wait without losing your mind.' He said, 'So it's like waiting for the TV to stop buffering?' I said, 'Yes, exactly.' He said, 'Then I have no patience. I turned it off.'Show PunchlineShare
84One-LinersMy kid asked, 'Dad, why do you say "one more episode" when you've already said it four times?' I said, 'Because each one is a new episode.' He said, 'It's the same episode. You said it at the top of the show, at the commercial, at the middle, and at the end. That's not four episodes, that's one episode with four lies.'Show PunchlineShare
83One-LinersMy toddler looked at me and said, 'You look tired.' I said, 'Thanks, buddy.' He said, 'No, I'm not complimenting you. I'm reporting an observation.'Show PunchlineShare
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