74

My kid said, 'Dad, I need to confess something.' I said, 'What?' He said, 'I ate the last cookie and I told Mom it was the cat.'

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64

My kid asked me why we call it a 'self-checkout' when the self part is clearly optional and the checkout part is clearly not. I said, 'I don't know, buddy.' He said, 'That's what I told the machine when it asked for my receipt. It's still asking.'

37

My four-year-old asked me why we say 'I'm five minutes away' when we're clearly not. I said, 'It's a polite way of saying I'm not there yet.' He said, 'So it's a lie.' I said, 'It's a... negotiation.' He said, 'I'm going to use that at school.'

16

My kid asked, 'Dad, why do you say I'm hungry when you just ate forty minutes ago?' I said, 'Because I am.' He said, 'You had a sandwich.'