59

On our third date, he said, 'I really like that you're independent.' I said, 'I am. I just want you to know that I will park in the spot closest to the entrance, and I will not ask you to walk me to the car. I will walk myself. If you want to come, you can come. If you don't, I will be in the driver's seat by 9:15, and I will be listening to a podcast about medieval architecture.' He said, 'That's a lot of logistics for a third date.' I said, 'It's not logistics. It's boundaries with a timestamp.'

Related Jokes

84

On our seventh date, she said, 'I really like that you're not intimidated by my career.' I said, 'Of course not. I'm not intimidated by your career. I'm intimidated by your calendar. You have a meeting at 7:15, a call at 8, a quick sync at 8:30, and then you're available at 9.' She said, 'That's just how work is.'

84

On our third date, he said, 'I really value honesty in a relationship.' I said, 'Good. I'm going to be honest. I'm going to order the burger and the fries, and I'm not splitting the fries.'

83

I went on a date with someone who said they were terrible at giving directions.

83

On our first date, she said, 'I'm really into hiking.' I said, 'Oh nice, what trails do you like?' She said, 'The ones where I can see the whole city from the top. And I bring a thermos and a book.' I said, 'So you hike to the top, sit there, and read?' She said, 'I hike to the top, sit there, read, and then I hike back down. That's the whole workout.'

83

I went on a date with a calendar.

82

On our fifth date, he said, 'I really like that you're not afraid to be yourself.' I said, 'Thank you. I've been working on it.' He said, 'What do you mean, working on it?' I said, 'The not-afraid part is new. The being-myself part has been going for thirty-four years.'