Holiday Jokes

79

My kid made a 'Christmas wish list' and I asked him to narrow it to three items. He said, 'I want a bicycle, a robot, and for you to stop saying "I'll get to it" and actually get to the thing.'

19

We tried a 'family game night' for Christmas. My son chose a board game. My wife chose a different board game. I chose a third. We ended up playing three games simultaneously in different rooms, calling out scores through the hallway.

17

We tried a 'no-competition Christmas' where the kids just play together and nobody scores points. My son lasted four minutes before he looked at his brother and said, 'I'm winning at this.' His brother said, 'You're not even playing a game.'

65

My kid made a 'gratitude list' for Thanksgiving and read it to the whole table.

65

My in-laws asked me to 'help decorate the Christmas tree.' I hung three ornaments and a string of lights. They said, 'Can you also do the topper?'

48

We tried a 'quality time' Christmas Eve where we just talked and played board games. My kid lasted until the second round of Monopoly before he looked up and said, 'So when do we open the presents?'

65

We tried a 'no-gifts, just togetherness' Christmas this year.

11

We tried a 'potluck Thanksgiving' where everyone brings a dish. My in-laws brought a casserole.

19

We tried a 'gratitude jar' this Christmas. Everyone writes something they're thankful for. My kid's note said, 'I'm thankful for the Wi-Fi password.' My wife's said, 'I'm thankful my husband finally took out the recycling.' I wrote, 'I'm thankful no one asked me to make a speech.'

24

We did a 'secret Santa' at the office. My coworker got me a candle that smells like 'autumn.' It's July. I've been burning it for three weeks and my wife keeps asking why the house smells like a cardigan. I don't know how to explain that it's a secret gift from a man named Greg.

27

My kid wrote a letter to Santa that said, 'Dear Santa, I've been bad this year. But I was also good sometimes. I think those cancel out. I would like a bicycle. Love, a person with mixed feelings.' I showed it to my wife.

58

We tried a 'family recipe night' where everyone cooks one dish from their childhood. My wife made her grandmother's pie. My son's contribution was a bag of chips and a juice box. I made a sandwich. My wife said, 'That's not a recipe.'

11

We tried to have a 'gratitude dinner' where everyone shares what they're thankful for. My wife shared something lovely. My husband shared something lovely. Then it was my kid's turn. He looked at the table.

35

We decided to do a 'no-screen Christmas' this year to be more present with each other. My kid lasted eleven minutes before turning to me with a very serious face.

23

We tried a 'minimalist Christmas' this year — no gifts, just experiences. We went to a museum, a park, and a restaurant.