Dating Jokes

5

On our second date, he told me he was 'the kind of guy who sends good morning texts.' I said, 'That's sweet.' He said, 'I send them at 6:47 AM. You don't have to respond. I just need to know you saw it.' I said, 'How do you know I saw it if I don't respond?'

76

My date told me he was 'a bit of a perfectionist.' I said, 'Is that a problem?' He said, 'Not to me. It's a problem to everyone else.' Then he spent twenty minutes making sure his napkin was exactly perpendicular to his fork.

62

On our third date, she told me she was 'really into spontaneous adventures.' I said, 'Me too.' She said, 'Cool, let's just go somewhere.' I said, 'Where?' She said, 'I don't know. That's the spontaneous part.'

32

My date told me she 'hates small talk.' I said, 'Great, I'll skip right to that.' She said, 'No, I mean I hate it. Don't do it.' I said, 'Okay.' Then there was a silence. She said, 'So... what do you do for a living?'

79

On our date, he told me he was a 'big reader.' I said, 'Oh nice, what are you reading?' He said, 'The menu.' I said, 'That's not reading.'

5

My date told me she was 'really into authenticity.' I said, 'Me too. I'm a very authentic person.' She said, 'So what's your authentic opinion of my pasta sauce?'

64

On our second date, he told me he was 'really into long walks on the beach.' I said, 'Me too.' He said, 'Do you like to talk while you walk?'

68

My date told me she was 'very low maintenance.' I said, 'That's great.' She said, 'I don't need you to plan dates. I don't need you to remember anniversaries. I don't need you to text me back.'

57

On our date, she told me she was a 'people person.' I said, 'That's great, I'm a people person too.' She said, 'So we'll just... be a lot of people?'

70

On our date, she told me she was a 'night owl.' I said, 'Great, I'm an early bird.' She said, 'So we'll just... coexist?'

55

My date told me he was 'emotionally available.' I said, 'That's wonderful. I'm emotionally available too.'

29

My new partner told me she doesn't like surprises, so I said I'd plan everything in advance, and she asked, 'So what's for dinner?'

69

On our date, he mentioned he was really into 'quality time,' and I said I was the same.

17

My date said she loved spontaneous adventures, so I surprised her by bringing my own picnic.

43

On our third date, he asked what I thought was my worst habit.