Travel Jokes

7

My travel buddy said, "Let's just wander around the old town." We wandered for two hours. I saw the same bakery four times. The same cat on the same wall. The same man arguing with the same parking meter.

28

My travel buddy said, "Let's just grab a quick bite." I said, "Quick." He said, "I'm going to look at the menu." I said, "The menu is a suggestion, not a commitment."

62

I told my travel buddy I wanted 'a spontaneous road trip.' He pulled out his phone and said, 'Great, I'll make a loose plan.' I said, 'It's spontaneous.' He said, 'Spontaneous with a spreadsheet is still a spreadsheet. But I'll make it a flexible one. Columns for Where (Tentative), Backup Where (Also Tentative), and Where We Were Actually Going (Deleted).'

55

I told my travel buddy I wanted 'a quiet little village with no tourists.' We found one. It was quiet. It was little. There were no tourists. There were also no shops, no restaurants, no cell service, and the nearest gas station was in a different country. My buddy said, 'You wanted no tourists.'

64

I booked a 'glamping experience.' The 'glam' was a single fairy light strung across the tent. The tent made a sound in the wind like a sailboat in a storm.

53

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'just take a scenic drive.' He put on a playlist, rolled down the windows, and drove in silence for forty minutes.

40

My travel buddy said, 'Let's get off the tourist trail.' We walked for three hours in the wrong direction and ended up in a village where nobody spoke our language.

83

I booked a 'boutique hotel with a rooftop terrace.' The hotel was a converted laundromat. The 'boutique' was a single shelf with three mugs. The 'rooftop terrace' was a fire escape with one plastic chair.

21

I booked a 'rustic mountain cabin' for the weekend. The listing said 'cozy, secluded, close to nature.' I arrived. The cabin was a shed. The 'cozy' was that it was so small I could touch both walls. The 'secluded' was that the nearest neighbor was a bear that had been sitting on the porch for three days. The 'close to nature' was that nature was inside the cabin. There was a beetle on the pillow. I said, 'Is the beetle included in the rate?'

19

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'just sit by the ocean and do nothing.' We drove for two hours. I sat down. I watched a seagull fight a tourist for a pretzel. I watched a family argue over whose turn it was to hold the baby. I watched a man rebuild a sandcastle for the ninth time while the wave erased it, each rebuild more aggressive than the last. My buddy said, 'You wanted to do nothing. You did nothing. You just witnessed a lot of other people doing something.'

49

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'just walk along the waterfront.' We walked for forty minutes. I saw a lighthouse, three boats, a seagull that stole a man's sandwich in slow motion, and a woman doing yoga on a dock while a pigeon sat on her head. My buddy said, 'You wanted the waterfront. You got it.'

9

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'just people-watch at the café.' We sat for three hours. I watched a woman argue with a barista for twenty minutes, a man eat a sandwich with the intensity of a surgical operation, and a child cry for forty-five minutes without a single pause. My buddy said, 'You wanted people-watching. You got it.'

45

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'just wander around the old town.' He said, 'Great, I'll make a detailed itinerary for the wandering.' I said, 'Wandering doesn't have an itinerary.' He said, 'Then it's not wandering. It's getting lost with better marketing.' I said, 'I wanted to get lost.'

81

I booked a 'luxury safari experience.' The 'luxury' was a tent with a mattress. The 'experience' was a guide who pointed at a tree and said, 'The giraffe is over there.' I said, 'I don't see a giraffe.' He said, 'You're not looking hard enough.'

55

I told my travel buddy I wanted to 'see the city on foot.' We walked for six hours. My feet were killing me. I sat on a bench and said, 'I think I've seen enough.' He said, 'We've only covered two districts.' I said, 'I'm not here for the districts. I'm here for the bench.'