One-Liners Jokes

20

My neighbor complained that my dog barks too loud at night in the backyard.

60

I replaced my alarm clock with one that plays heavy metal music on weekends.

18

I finally learned how to fold a fitted sheet perfectly after three years of trying.

46

My neighbor asked if he could borrow my vacuum cleaner for the weekend.

60

I tried to join the army to get free meals.

25

I bought a calendar that expired last month just to see if it would start working again.

23

My boss asked me why I was wearing a helmet during the morning meeting.

36

My neighbor's fence got so high that we couldn't even wave hello anymore.

70

My shadow got mad at me yesterday during lunch break.

26

I told my computer to take a break because the screen looked tired.

74

I decided to start a business selling silence to people who hate noise.

59

My neighbor complains about my dog's barking, but he never says anything when I yell at him.

74

I tried to win a staring contest with a mirror.

9

I tried to run a marathon.

82

I decided to quit my job.