Work & Office Jokes

57

My manager told me to 'take ownership' of the project. So I called HR and said, 'I'd like to file a claim. This project has been neglected for three weeks, and I'm now its legal guardian.'

15

Our office has a 'collaboration wall' where you're supposed to post sticky notes with ideas. I've been watching it for a month. There are eleven sticky notes on it.

40

Our office has a 'wellness room' with a beanbag chair, a yoga mat, and one small succulent.

33

My boss sent an email at 4:57 on a Friday that started with 'Quick question, no big deal.'

53

My coworker told me he 'lives for his job.' I said, 'That's dedication. Do you also eat lunch at the desk?' He said, 'No, but I nap at the desk, occasionally cry at the desk, and I've had a full conversation with the stapler.'

44

Our company started a 'no-meeting Monday' to boost productivity. I showed up at 8 AM and sat at my desk. My coworker walked by and said, 'You're early.' I said, 'It's no-meeting Monday. I have nothing to do. I'm just... here.'

54

My boss told me to 'think outside the box' for my quarterly presentation. I sent it from a Denny's parking lot at 6 AM. He called and said, 'That's not what I meant.' I said, 'I know. The box is the office. I'm outside it. I'm in a booth with a ketchup stain and a view of the highway.'

21

Our IT department sent an email that said, 'Your password has expired. Please reset it. If you forget your new password, please reset it again.' I replied, 'So I need to forget it to remember it?'

66

My boss told me to 'stop taking work home.' I said, 'I don't take work home. I take HOME to work.'

15

Our company started a 'Wellness Wednesday' program to reduce employee stress. I opened the calendar invite.

71

My manager asked if I had any questions about the new performance review system. I said, 'No, I've already failed at it in my head.' He said, 'That's the spirit!' I said, 'That's the panic.'

21

Our office introduced a 'no-judgment zone' for the break room. The first thing someone said was, 'So does anyone else think the manager's tie is too aggressive?'

38

My manager told me to 'think of the office as a family.' I said, 'Great. Then I'm the one who's always cleaning up after everyone and no one says thank me.'

69

My manager announced we need to 'foster a culture of transparency.' I raised my hand and said, 'So we can finally see who's actually doing the work?'

37

My coworker told me he 'lives for his job.' I said, 'That's great. Do you also sleep at the desk?' He said, 'No, but I eat lunch at the desk, nap at the desk, and occasionally cry at the desk.'